...confused...

...i dun noe wat to say reli....im sry..even though i noe it wont mean much anymore...i hate being confused...i feel so lightheaded, i cant even think properly in this state...i thought it will be 1 happy memory out of all this pain...i dun noe but i guess i wasnt thinking properly? mayb becuz i knew it was a plan wif onli 25% success, i jus agreed...i thought u wouldnt be able to go anyway...so carefree rite?...i didnt care i guess...i didnt bother to care actually...this is jus me....im an idiotic person n i never bother to think things through properly when i feel its a waste of time or when its disturbing me....i never cared...mayb thats it...

...my heart feel very pain...why is that?i dun noe if its mentally or physically hurting...i know wat its like to feel betrayed...i never thought it would happen again...so...im confused...i cant think straight..thought r coming n going...jus like the wind....its so...random.
i guess doing this is no gud,its not like u would forgive me but at least i could write something...
i will contact u when i hav thought this through...maybe 9 a.m?midnite?3 in the morning?i dun noe...
I am sorry....sry for being so carefree...now...i feel like i dun care anymore...hehe...sry...^^

SoulJa feat. Aoyama Thelma- ここにいるよ

I Am Right Here-Translation of the song's tittle~
Translation of the lyrics~
 

*Baby boy,i'm right here
I'm waiting for you and i'm not going anywhere  
You know that i luv u
And that's why there's no need to worry
No matter how far you are my heart wont change 
You know what i am trying to say?
I'm waiting for you


I always mess things up,you're so far away
I couldn't tell you how i felt and you left me
All i've got left are your photos in my album
We only talk on the phone nowadays so i can't see your smile 
Can't feel your warmth,can't smell the scent of your hair
It's like i cant satisfy the dryness in my throat
As the days pass by,i searched everywhere for your face
Now only my footsteps echo on that road we used to walk together
Yeah,well back to you. So how you doing? Been eating good?
Damn. I can't say it.
I'll be sending you a letter, alright?

 
(Repeat*)

I saw you in Kamakura beach

I wanted to say those words as you were swallowed by the waves

I don’t know why it’s so painful

I’m a man…but the words just won’t come out

Do you remember? We went out to karaoke

And the words of the song I chose that appeared on the monitor

Were the same ones I wanted to tell you

That day when we met up on our first date

We were so happy as if we had just run into each other by chance

I won’t ever be able to forget your smile

This conversation’s gotten really off track

But you know what I’m trying to say, right?

Shit.  There’s no space left to write

Sorry, I’ll definitely send it to you next time

(Repeat*)

 If only I was a richer man, if only I had a better job

If I could sacrifice it all, I would definitely do it for you…

But please don’t misunderstand, I would never do anything to hurt you

I’m busy and can’t talk much now

Baby believe, this is all for our future

But honestly, I want to see you now, I want to hold you in my arms now

The seat beside me you used to sit in is still empty…

Yeah, well forget that for now. That isn’t what I want to talk about

I know it’s too late, but I’ll give you all I wanted to say in my unsent letter

Baby girl,i'm right here
I'm waiting for you and i'm not going anywhere  
You know that i luv u
And that's why there's no need to worry
No matter how far you are my heart wont change 
You know what i am trying to say?
I'm waiting for you


Baby boy,i'm right here
I'm waiting for you and i'm not going anywhere  
You know that i luv u
And that's why there's no need to worry
No matter how far you are my heart wont change 
I can tell you how i feel now 
I don't eva wanna let you go

ここにいるよ
The lyrics in japanese~

※Baby boy わたしはここにいるよ どこもいかずに待ってるよ
You know dat I love you だからこそ 心配しなくていいんだよ
どんなに遠くにいても変わらないよこの心
言いたい事わかるでしょ?
あなたのこと待ってるよ※
不器用な俺 遠くにいる君
伝えたい気持ちそのまま言えずに 君は行っちまった
いまじゃ残された君はアルバムの中
電波でしか会えない日々 だけど見えないぜ君の微笑み
君のぬくもり 髪の香り こののどの渇きはそのまま満たされずに
過ぎてく日々の中 なんだか君の面影ひたすら探した
君とよく歩いたあの道は 今俺だけの足音が響いていた
んなことよりお前の方は元気か? ちゃんと飯食ってるか?
ちくしょう、やっぱ言えねえや
また今度送るよ 俺からのLetter
(※くり返し)
鎌倉の砂浜で見た君の姿 波にのまれた君に言いたい言葉
なんだかマジせつねぇ 男なのになんで…言葉出てこねぇや
覚えてますか?君と行ったカラオケの中
俺が入れた曲の言葉 モニターに浮かんだまま
ほんとは君に伝えたかった
君と二人きりで初めて待ち合わせをしたあの日
まるで偶然に会ったかのようにはしゃぎ
微笑む君が忘れられないって
話かなりそれちまったがわかるよな?俺が言いたい言葉
S**t 残り書く場所がねえや
ごめん 次は絶対に送るから
(※くり返し)
俺がもっと金持ちだったら もっとまともな仕事をしてたら
もしもすべて犠牲にできたのなら 俺は絶対に君を…
だがPlease勘違いだけはすんな 君に寂しい思いはさせたくねぇが
忙しい中あんま話せねぇが
baby believe これは all for our future
But 正直 今すぐ君と会いたい 今すぐ抱きしめてやりたい
昔 君が俺の隣で座ってた席には もう誰もいないって…
まぁ そんな事はいいんだ 言いたいことはそんなんじゃねぇんだ
いまさらだが ずっと言いたかった言葉を込め 送るUnsent letter
Baby girl わたしはここにいるよ どこもいかずに待ってるよ
You know dat I love you だからこそ 心配しなくていいんだよ
どんなに遠くにいても変わらないよこの心
言いたい事わかるでしょ?
あなたのこと待ってるよ
Baby boy わたしはここにいるよ どこもいかずに待ってるよ
You know I love you だからこそ 心配しなくていいんだよ
どんなに遠くにいても変わらないよこの心 今なら素直に言えるよ
I don’t eva wanna let you go

Koko Ni Iru Yo~
The lyrics in japanese but written in english~

Baby boy watashi wa koko ni iru yo

Doko mo ikazu ni matteru yo

You know dat i love you dakara koso

Shinpai shinakuteinda yo

Donna ni tooku ni itemo kawaranai yo kono kokoro

Itai koto wakaru desho?

Anata no koto matteru yo

Bukyou na ore tooku ni iru kimi tsutaitai kimochi

Sono mama iezuni kimi wa ichimatta

Ima ja nokosareta kimi wa arubamu no naka

Denpa de shika aenai hibi dakedo mienaize

Kimi no hohoemi kimi no nukumori kami no kaori

Kono nodo no kawaki wa sonomama mitasarezuni

Sugiteku hibi no naka nandaka kimi no omokage hitasura sagashiteta

Kimi to yoku aruita ano michi wa ima ore dake no ashioto ga hibiteita

Na koto yori omae no houwa genki ka?chanto meshi kuteru ka?

Chikusho yappa ieneya matta kondo okuru yo ore kara no letter

Baby boy watashi wa koko ni iru yo

Doko mo ikazu ni matteru yo

You know dat i love you dakara koso

Shinpai shinakuteinda yo

Donna ni tooku ni itemo kawaranai yo kono kokoro

Itai koto wakaru desho?

Anata no koto matteru yo

Kamakura no sunahama de mita kimi no sugata nami ni nomareta

Kimi ni itai kotoba nanda ka maji setsune otoko na no ni nande...

Kotoba detekone ya

Oboetemasuka?kimi to itta karaoke no naka ore ga ireta kiyoku

No kotoba monita ni ukandamama honto wa kimi ni tsutaetakatta

Kimi to futari kiri de hajimete machiawase

Wo shita ano hi maru de guzen ni ata ka no youni hashagi

Hohoemu kimi ga wasurerarenaitte hanashi kanari sorechimatta

Ga wakaru yo na?

Ore ga itai kotoba sxxt nokori kaku basho ga ne ya

Gomen tsugi zettai okuru kara

Baby boy watashi wa koko ni iru yo

Doko mo ikazu ni matteru yo

You know dat i love you dakara koso

Shinpai shinakuteinda yo

Donna ni tooku ni itemo kawaranai yo kono kokoro

Itai koto wakaru desho?

Anata no koto matteru yo

Ore ga motto kanemochi dattara motto matomona

Shigoto wo shitetara moshi mo subete gisei ni dekita no nara

Ore wa zettai ni kimi wo...daga please kanchigai dake wo

Sunna kimi ni sabishi omoi wa sasetakune ga

Isogashi naka anma hanase ga baby believe kore wa

All for our future but shojiki ima sugu kimi to aitai

Ima sugu dakishimete yaritai

Mukashi kimi ga ore no tonari de suwatteta seki ni wa

Mo dare mo inaitte...

Ma sonna koto wa iinda itai koto wa sonan janen da

Ima sara daga zutto itakatta kotoba wo kome

Okuru unsent letter

Baby girl watashi wa koko ni iru yo

Doko mo ikazu ni matteru yo

You know dat i love you dakara koso

Shinpai shinakuteinda yo

Donna ni tooku ni itemo kawaranai yo kono kokoro

Itai koto wakaru desho?

Anata no koto matteru yo

Baby boy watashi wa koko ni iru yo

Doko mo ikazuni matteru yo

You know dat i love you dakara koso

Shinpai shinakuteinda yo

Donna ni tooku ni itemo kawaranai yo kono kokoro

Ima nara sunao ni ieru yo

I don`t eva wanna let you go

 I never thought wat I was gonna do was this long...but watever...
This is my favourite japanese song as well as the first japanese song I hav ever listen to 
The song is by soulja feat Aoyama Thelma

I hope you enjoy!!^^ 

Is it wrong to care too much?i dun understand why i hav to suffer..

why do u say the problem is becuz i care too much?i wanted to protect those ppl who were important to me becuz i went through what i noe they will go through..is it so wrong?what did i do to deserve this?
i tried to help,i put all my heart n my time in helping her...but now i hav to start all over again jus becuz shes too stubborn enough to listen?..i am so tired..i am so very tired...but even though i want to giv up i cant becuz then no1 else will care...if i giv up who will help?who will take over what im doing now?
my other problem is something that might never be solved..ur so lucky u noe?u still got ur chance,u can still try ur best..so dun giv up...feel happy that u can still try...i wonder wat will happen when u do so try ur best n giv me a call anytime when ur tired...dun worry...i had sm1 calling me at 1a.m. in the morning..i thought it was my alarm clock ringing at 6a.m. n on the same nite i couldnt sleep well...wat an ironic nite...

why m i always alone?

...i couldnt do anything...i couldnt say  anything....
...i guess u wanna noe why i would always smile after every argument,every fight...after feeling...'wat did i do wrong?'
i did it so i could continue living....if i didnt i would hav fell into the darkness becuz no1 was there for me....
no1 to help me wen i was alone...i said would i stop crying rite? but i broke my promise....i dun noe wat to do anymore...i dun noe wat to believe in anymore....
u noe wats so ironic?wen i need some1 to be there for me..no1 will come....but wen i dun need any1 ...some1 will jus pop up...
...i thought...why dun i help others when they r in need?mayb if i were there for them i wont hav to feel so helpless becuz i was doing something...i was helping ppl in their time of need wen no1 came to mine
i was happy doing wat i wanted to do...now...i dun even noe wat i want to do anymore...i dun noe wat to believe anymore...

sry oh...long time no blog...hehe....^^

hihi!
i giv some updates here la...
last week our assessments finished now the freakin teachers r preparing us for our exams which r not even a month away...how do they plan?we jus finished a test now got another 1....
anywayzzz.......last sunday me n other ppl had a fight wif our lifelong fren n it sort of ended well but another problem came up n....it was becuz some1 involved in this fight told every1 abt it n it was a personal,embrassing mater....it wasnt even a sch day but an hour later every1 in yr.8 knew abt it.....so the ppl involved were pissed n well....they were blaming my fren for smth she nv did...but in the end they found out it was a misunderstanding n it all came out well....
now theres another annoying matter....sm freakin ppl hate this fren of mine n wrote some letter containing every bad word u could ever think of abt her....teacher took the letter now every teacher  noes abt it...n it isnt even true....n wats so anoying is the teachers think the letter is true n now they all dun like my fren who is the victim here but currently the matter is going away...
eh.....wat else is there?
oh ya....my fren broke up wif her bf william becuz of aome reason i still dun noe abt
i feel sad they did....my best fren did love him but he was older then her ...n the parents found out...so...its sad......
hehe...wat else is there?
wait....dun blame me for posting this long thing...im always like this ...i dun even care how long it is as long as it interest me...but i feel lucky to hav so gud frens..i will end here today...i write so long alredi...hehe ^^

bear wif me this sort of stuff becuz its for a fren...

i told my self to nv cry n nv giv up becuz i knew
'above all those clouds the sky is nv ending'
if i try hard enough it will hav its rewards...
its a wonderful thig reli to try hard
as long as u hav a goal
yur r nv lost

advice to rainy...my lonely past...

Im gonna tell u wat to do in this or any other kind of situation
for me...i never cry unless i cant help myself
even if im hurt...i wont show my feelings...becuz i dun wan any1 to worry abt me
honestly...there was a time when i thought i wasnt wanted or meant to be in this world
at that time i wouldnt...i COULDNT cry becuz i thought if i did i would be swallowed up by the water under me
every movement i made might unbalanced myself n i would fall where no1 could pull me out from
n then 1 day i jus couldnt take it anymore
i jus...sort of...fell apart
i started crying n that was the time wen i knew there was some ppl who would be there for me no matter wat n if i disappeared they would worry
i was finally accepted by every1 including myself
i feel i was thinking all the time that others didnt accept me
but in truth i didnt accept myself for who i was
so i guess...im going out of topic
but i wanna say i cant help u if u keep to yurself in that box of yurs
jus becuz wat happened today broke yur heart doesnt mean there wont be any other chances out there in that large world
this was wat i came to conclude...after suffering myself...
n share yur pains becuz if u bottle it up..its painful,very,very painful
if u think u can handle it think again...

kitty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today at sch three kittens gotten into our sch block
im so worried!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was praying there were ok in class the whole morning
teacher took them n gav them to the workers or smth i hope they arent separated or anything because i think they r all bros n sis but they were so cute~!!
back to presant time
lucky's missing!!!
my fren put her in the court yard n she is so small she slipped through the gate!!!
wat r we gonna do?
4 kittens in a day...

...

was i wrong?
was i mistaken?
but...after we told her she didnt show any feelings at all
she jus said ok.
was she suffering?i felt terrible to jus tell her off like that
i knew that but wat could i do...?
hah...im wat i wrote...i said i would nv giv up on anything but i jus did...

hihi^^

i created this blog becoz...i guess i was interested n bored
wat do u do at home when theres nothing to do?
im not allowed to go out oso...
i also created this blog becuz i can put my feeling into words here...
its also nicer not to hav any1 peek into my diary...
anyway i hope ppl will come see my blog^^

bored...

Does any1 care abt how others feel?haiz...they ask "why did u do that?"
when they already know but they nv stop to think that it was their fault and wat they say will hurt others some r even worse,they act tat way purposely becouse they think the person is not gud enough for them
to them,being'popular n hanging aroud the rite ppl'is more important to them then having real friendship
i know a person like that
she is such an anoying person she sticks to us the first few days becuz she doesnt noe who to go to
then after finding who r popular
she dumps us(me n my frens) n goes wif others n she takes away our best fren to add to it all
she is so anoying